Enchantment

My holidays have been alright so far. Have been out eating and shopping. However, amidst all the fun, something has been weighing on my chest for the past few days.

A few years back, my dad had managed to pull off a successful application to migrate to New Zealand, Christchurch/Auckland. The whole family almost migrated to NZ, but because of persistent protests from my brother and I, plans were delayed and soon, it was too late to migrate anymore.

Of course I felt a sense of relief because migration has never been an issue before. I can't see myself being in a foreign country, studying there, working there, starting a family there because for my entire life, I've pictured my life to be here, home, Singapore. All that I have is here and I do not want to leave it all behind.

I think my dad blames my mom, until this day, that we never got to migate to NZ. I know he is upset because he spent lots of money applying for the migration and at the end of it all, he still didn't get to fulfill his dream; to be able to live in another country.

Last Sunday, a happy lunch at Jack's Place turned sour because my dad brought up the issue of migration again. He said that he was thinking of migrating to Toronto, Canada, and of course, the whole family must go.

Initially I thought my dad was just passing a casual comment but it turned out not to be. He started being sarcastic to my mom over the table and obviously my mom got mad. They were arguing right there in the middle of the restaurant and my brother and I had to act as saints to prevent more oil from spilling onto troubled waters.

Since that day onwards, my dad has been harping on the issue of migration. Migrate, migrate, migrate, that's all he ever thinks about and talks about now. Whenever he sees me at home, he will open his mouth and out of it spills the advantages of migrating to Toronto and the disadvantages of staying in Singapore. He expressed his concern of me not being able to get into a local uni and even chided me for obtaining such lousy results not fit for local uni. To that, I have nothing to say. All my life ever since secondary school, I've tried hard enough, although not my hardest, to at least get applaudable grades.

Two days back, I received an sms from my dad: "Dear children, hope u understand the purpose of migration. Once we get it, you can study there at local price - cheap. You can work in either Singapore or Canada, more choices. Your children too enjoy best of both countries. Live here or there, more options in case of political or economic emergency."

My simple reply to that was "I don't want to migrate."

His self-centered reply (at least in my point of view): "Think about yr future. Spore job market very competitive, only the brightest survive. u only study 3 yrs there not only get a degree but citizenship. Only a fool will not grasp this rare opportunity."

Paranoia. That's what my dad emits. He keeps saying that Singapore isn't a safe country in the long run cos we're surounded my muslim countries and he even commented yesterday that it came out in the papers that Malaysia is beginning to be increasingly religious and that is obviously not to our benefit.

What are you scared of? Terrorist attacks? Then what makes you think Canada is all that safe? If it's your time to leave, it's your time to leave. Even if you were to run to the ends of the earth, and God's plan was for you to die at this time, this hour, this day, you will still perish eventually. So would you rather die in a foreign land, away from your relatives, friends and familiarity, or in the land which you grew up in? Me? I choose the latter.

So what. I wanna study in Singapore. I wanna work in Singapore. My friends are all here. My boyfriend is here. So you tell me all these and expect me to up and leave? It's all just to fulfill your selfish ambitions. If you really want the best for me, why tell me "You can go to Toronto to study for 3 yrs first. Then you can come back to Sg after that to work and I won't care."

Hell yea. Then whats the blardy difference? You're the only one who wants to migrate and of all countries, TORONTO?! Wtf, that's even further than America! NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE have I imagined myself to be in TORONTO. Australia still not that bad, but Toronto? Sigh. Never ever.

I don't wanna leave. I don't wanna migrate to Toronto. I hope that application fails. But I know in my heart of hearts that if my dad makes up his mind to leave and given his stubborn nature, I will have no choice but be forced to go. How can my parents migrate there and my bro and I remain in Singapore? That's not gonna work ever. The whole family must be together.

Willingly or reluctantly, my dad will never care. As long as I fulfill his wishes and my ass is inside Toronto, everything else doesn't matter.